CUTE BOYS, ocean, beach house, family, ice cream, shopping bags, bathing suits, flip flops, and swimming.
Do you have another place you consider home? I do, North Carolina. I look forward to going to North Carolina all year. From the time I get off the plane to the time I get back on.
At Christmas time every year I bye my mom sunglasses and a new bottle of Hawaiian tropics sunscreen, to keep her reminded of our trip in July. I’m sure she is sick of it by now.
I have had many good memories in North Carolina. From riding bikes with my brothers and cousins, to swimming with the boys next door, going for ice cream at night. BUT my favorite and fondest memory is boggy boarding and falling face forward on to a seashell. Then having to go to the doctor and getting stitches.
Our beach houses are always very beautiful. Last years beach house was very large. The beach house has to be our family is also very large. The people that usually go are my uncles JC, and Boe, my aunt’s Dia, Sally, Tisse, and Dian. Both of my grandparents usually come, and a ton of my cousins. With all this family around you who would not have fun.
I can’t describe the felling I get the first day I see the beach. All the white sand scattered across a big part of the land. In my mind it’s the best picture. Until you step down on what looks like a cool place to step and a sudden reaction quivers up your legs and sends a message to your brain that what you are stepping on is very hot. You try to run to run to the nearest beach towel but it seems to far away.
A normal day in North Carolina looks like this. People wake up at there own time and eat breakfast at there own time. We all try to hurry as fast as we can to get a good spot on the beach. When we finally get situated at the beach all the kids head for the water except for me it usually takes a while for me to get over the fear of what may be in the water, when I finally get in I have tons of fun. We usually stay down at the beach for what feels like millions of hours. Finally at the end of the day we all waddle back home for dinner in or out.
There is one thing that really makes me mad while I’m at the beach. Is when we are all ready to go but my mother is still back in her bedroom trying on bathing suits to see witch one makes her look the skinniest not that my mother is not skinny but she is very conscientious about her body. When she finally picks a bathing suit out, we head for the beach.
North Carolina is a very special place to go, for me. It brings back my old memories, and it makes new memories, for years to come.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
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23 comments:
hey I loved your essay.I liked how it grabed me at the begining.I also liked you detail and word choice.
I loved your essay.The introduction was catchy. It grabbed me in. The sentences "All the white sand scattered across a big part of the land. In my mind it’s the best picture. Until you step down on what looks like a cool place to step and a sudden reaction quivers up your legs and sends a message to your brain that what you are stepping on is very hot. You try to run to run to the nearest beach towel but it seems to far away." gave me a clear picture of what you were saying.That sentence also had a lot of details. The 5th paragraph really gave me a clear picture and it was really clear.It got confusing when you started naming off your family members names. I didnt see a thesis in your essay. I might have missed it. For future essays you should use more voice,better word choice,and indent your paragraphs.You will be good at getting to the point,not getting off topic and having a lot of details.
Great Job
hey, your essay was great. your essay was missing some things that would make in so much better than it already is. your essay was amazing with the detail you put into it. i wish i could put that kind of detail into my writing. i was wondering if you would rather live there or here? i did a presentation about north carolina because of some of the coleges and i found the place amazing.your future essays will be better if you can make your thesis stick out and make the whole essay flow. then your essays would be awesome.
Hey you silly goose!!! I liked your essay, it was cute, you seemed to repeat a couple of phrases in a lot of your paragraphs, but besides that, it was really cute....^.^
XxOversynt06xX ^.^
hey, your essay is the best one iv'e read today! you have awesome word choice and the intro was really catchy. i can actually picture the place you explain with amazing deatl really well. the only thing i would do diffrently is make it longer because you mad it so good i wanted to read more. the way you put the "quivers up your spine" that was awesome and i wish i could put that detail in my writing. you have the best writing skills i've seen, and it made my day alot better.
Wow your essay was really good. The word choice was really good and. You also used really good details to paint a picture. I really liked the part where you were describing the beach and how the sand looks so nice and yet it's so hot. It was a little confusing when you were talking about all of your family, but that's probably because I don't know them personally. Overall your essay was really good and it kept me interested the whole time.
I thought your essay was very good. I like how you expressed it as another house of yours.It seemed like I was acually there! The only thing that you should do in near future essays would be that you should finish all of your stories. Like when you you said you fell on a seashell and had to get stiches, well that was interesting i would like to know how you fell or how many stiches you had to get. I also think that your word choice was really good! Great job!
Your essay was really great. Your word choice really captured me. Also...in the second paragragh...you used the wrong "buy"...its B.U.Y, not B.Y.E. Otherwise it was great!
Your essay was awesome! it had amazing details and really good wordchoice. The only question i had about your essay that it wasn't in the format of an essay. The topic sentence was really good. It hooked me and made me want to keep reading throught the the whole story. i could really see the beach and the area in north carolina. Your essay had great details. Your future essay would be better if you put it into an essay format. your future essays will stay good if you keep all those good details! the only other question was, was the last sentence a thesis statement?
wow i can really relate. every july i go to michigan. my grandparents live on a lake and i have 13 cousins we swim tube water ski and we jump off the boat at night. ironically miching state is famous for there hugh ice cream cones. i can really relate to your story becaus most of the stuff i expierence in michigan is so great that its reallly hard to describe and explain (although you did a great job). your intro really caught my eye nice job
i loved your essay it had a lot of detail and your topic or opening sentence was awsome."CUTE BOYS, ocean, beach house, family, ice cream, shopping bags, bathing suits, flip flops, and swimming." it's awsome it makes you want to keep on reading and it makes you wonder what is he/she's talking about. you used awsome word choice but some of the details were kind of unclear but other than that this essay was great keep on writing but just switch it around every once and a while.
this was a really good essay. It really explained why you liked the trip to North Carolina! Your intro was really catchy! It was really interesting how you used cute boys, the ocean, beach house, family, ice cream,shopping bags,bathing suits, flip flops, and swimming. I like how you added in that you keep reminding your mom of the trip in July. You had a lot of detail, especially in the third paragraph!! Your essay was really interesting and really explained about your trip to North Carolina.
Uhh i love your essay!!! The first sentance really caught me and made me want to keep reading. I really liked the first paragraph of your essay when you were talking about how you were driving the four wheeler and your head hit a seashell,i think that if you would'n of put that in there that paragraph would have been really boring. There were some spelling mistakes but other then that i thought it was a really good essay!
The intro was ok if you know what i mean. I am a not a fan of the cute boys thing and i think lots of guys are turned away by the big cute boys, but it seemed like you were aming the rest of the essay to both males and females. It made a lot of good points and make me think of what my home away from is. It had a little spelling errors but it was still good. Keep up the work.
Overall, you had really great things to say and great discrptive points. Although when reading it i found that there were clearly a lot of grammer errors. For exapmle, "At Christmas time every year I bye my mom sunglasses and a new bottle of Hawaiian tropics sunscreen, to keep her reminded of our trip in July." As you can see there are a few small spelling errors and grammer errors. Also, " I can’t describe the felling I get the first day I see the beach." Spelling error, little things like that. Another example, "You try to run to run to the nearest beach towel but it seems to far away." Little things like this can confuse the reader. Also this sentence, "People wake up at there own time and eat breakfast at there own time." This sentence itn't clear and is confusing. That's some of which would help your writing out. Throughout the story there were other tiny things like punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors and that you should always go back to check for them. Lastly, I saw that your story didn't have a very well put together conclusion and didn't restate your thesis statement and didn't end that well, it kind of left me hanging. Although your story was fantastic and a great topic, the little things show me that you didn't reread your story. I overall loved your details that you put in, they really show your love for North Carolina.
Great job and I hope you will have better stories in the future!
I loved your essay. The introduction was the greatest part I think. You really know how to grab a reader's attention. My most favorite part of your essay was when you said "I can’t describe the felling I get the first day I see the beach. All the white sand scattered across a big part of the land. In my mind it’s the best picture. Until you step down on what looks like a cool place to step and a sudden reaction quivers up your legs and sends a message to your brain that what you are stepping on is very hot. You try to run to run to the nearest beach towel but it seems to far away." I could just sence the feeling that you were feeling if that makes any sence. One thing you might want to check on is your grammar. You have the wrong "bye" in that paragraph about Christmas. In general I loved your essay. You are a really strong writer! Keep up the great work!
North Carolina is freakin' awsome.the sun,the surf. Every thing is pure awsomeness!the intro was catchy and every detail was a painted picture in my mind. And ouch! that must've really hurt when you fell on that seashell. Awsome essay!!!10 across the board.Very good.
I liked your essay. It had really good facts to surport your idea's and it really made North Carolina sound good. But, I couldn't really tell where paragraph started and ended. And maybe it needs some more orginzation. YOur essay didn't sound why you like nOrth Carolina but a day in the life of you and your family in North Carolina. Just something to think about...other wise it was really good.
I really liked your essay. The beginning sentence was really great and it made me want to keep reading. Your details and word choice were really good. It gave me a good picture of what you were talking about. Nice job!!
Wutup son im yomama and thay essay was great!!!!! ^.^
i think that your essay is really good but it needs some work for example you should stay on topic and i dont real;ly get were the whole mom and the bathing suit came from inless im missing something but anyway good job
hey i loved your essay! Yourr introducton.." CUTE BOYS, ocean,, beach house, family, ice cream. shopping bags, bathing suits, flip flops, and swimming.".. it really liked made me want to read your essay more. The best line in your essay was, " I cant descriibe the feeling i get the frst day i see the beach. All the white sand scattered across a big part of land. In my mind its the best picture." That really grabbed my attention and it made me feel what you felt about your essay! Good Job
when you said " do you have another place you consider home?" I can agree with that 100% My family lives up in illinois and we go there ever;y summer and christmas. it feels so weird that we don't live there. whenever we go there i love every minute of it, they have a lake house too and i can't get enogh of it. great essay
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